Honestly…|an honest take on the world of PR and other things by Cindy Ronzoni

Your Wedding Day

Lately, I have been rubbing elbows with more married people than usual.  I have been doing this for two reasons. Namely, because most my age are married and I also have been trying to get myself prepared for that miraculous day if it ever does come. When around these couples I ask them a lot of questions especially about how they keep their love alive for I know marriage is hard work. I’ve never met a couple who said less, but they also say how worthwhile it is.

But, when it’s bad, then it’s bad.  The pain that marriage was supposed to take away, becomes a nagging, depressing gut wrenching hurt, especially when a stalemate has occurred or when one feels ignored and the other does not want to work on the union.

My church is aligning with a new Christian film coming out next week distributed by Sony called “Fireproof”. The production company is actually a church in Georgia, Sherwood Baptist. The movie stars Kirk Cameron as a fire captain whose flame in his marriage is almost extinguished.  He wants a divorce that is until his dad convinces him to give it another try. I applaud them for addressing this subject and their willingness to help strengthen these bonds.

When reading over the materials presented in tandem with the movie, a couple of startling facts pierced my heart. Did you know that 50 percent of all people in U.S. will be divorced at least once in their lifetimes. Think about all the people you know married and well others who are divorced and you can see why that statistic is true.

Ugh!

As an outsider and a single woman, I have been a confidant to several un-happily and happily married couples. Some of the unhappy ones have tell tales signs about what’s going on or not at home. It seems a common thread usually is communication.  The talking just stops and resentment slips in. And as one gets more and more bitter, then the doors begin to slam and each become more “sensitive” to every action or word muttered. These are not happy times when couples drift apart. It takes work, but the union can be joined together again-it happens numerous times.

Not Fun When It's One Sided

Then there’s the times when I am around couples who are doing it right.  They have formed partnerships and work at supporting one another through good and bad times.  They are the ones who still smile when their significant others walk into the room even after 15, 20 or 50 years of marriage. They will tell you that they had to work at their marriage, but it was worth it.

Another sobering fact that “Fireproof” pointed out came from survey that they gave to men.  The survey asked men if they would prefer to feel “alone and unloved” or “inadequate and disrespected.” What do you think the results were? 24 percent said that they would rather feel “inadequate and disrespected” vs. a whopping 76 percent who would rather feel “alone and unloved.”

I think that fact spells it all out. If I was part of a married team, I would feel utterly “crappy” if I thought my mate disrespected me or felt that he married the wrong person.  And to be totally truthful, I have felt this at times in relationships, especially when I was the one pushing to make it work. Believe me, it doesn’t feel very good. As one married friend so aptly put it, it’s no fun when the other partner doesn’t want to fix the marriage. Those are deal-breaker times. For it does take two to make a cord stronger.

So maybe that fact presents a good “key” to help unlock some of the current marital issues.  Are you feeling resentful in your marriage? If so, are you being honest to your soul mate and talking to him/her about it? Do you feel safe in telling him/her how you are feeling? Or are you taking a passive aggressive stance? Do you need to get some help - if so do it.  Do whatever it takes to become a team again. Get advice from a marriage counselor, join small groups, find the love again if you can. Sometimes I know it’s just not possible and I feel for you. I really do. I just hope your marriage doesn’t resemble the 1989 comedy flick “War of the Roses.” For a bit of levity…take a look at the trailer for the movie.

As our Republican party wants to put “Country First,” I think a great way to build up our country is through strengthening our marriages. For if the core of our households are strong, then they become a mighty fortress that stands together despite what comes. Hurricanes, stock market tumbles, unemployment, foreclosures, you name it. All can be weathered better as one than as a house divided.

A Family that Plays Together...

Now this not only works for families, but our government as well. I mean at this moment, the California state budget is at an impasse.  And our country is torn apart by a potential vice president candidate wearing lipstick vs. a young senator as president.  While this is going on our entire financial infrastructure is falling apart! Is anyone noticing!!!!!!! Analysts are finally admitting that we are in a Recession…well to me it does feel like a depression.  Yes, the recession is here.

Lehman Brothers, gone. Merrill Lynch is now BofA. AIG is owned by the government and our stocks are well plummeting. Things aren’t good.  We need a marriage counselor for America. We need to unite and fast. Stop the resentment. Stop the bitterness. Start communicating.  Come together.  We don’t have to live like ex’s who’ve had messy divorces. Throw away political parties and start being just plain Americans who desperately need some advice on how to get out of the fixes we’re in.

Oh Happy Day if Both Sides Could Get Along

For we’re only stronger together, than as people who are separated. Let’s fight for America. It’s worth fighting for just ask anyone serving in the Armed Services. Let’s start opening up our minds and looking for workable compromises. Let’s sniff out greed.  Let’s check motives. Let’s get moving toward a better tomorrow, quick before Hollywood has to re-make “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Here’s a scene from the movie at the pivotal point when the bank is bankrupt.

Until next time or another bank goes under….did I hear WaMu.